I began this book at the very beginning of 2024, and it was another slower read for me. But that was because I intentionally read it slowly to really take time to feel the words and sit with the short chapters. Alicia Chole has divided the bulk of this book into three sections: disillusionment with God, disillusionment with self, and disillusionment with others. All factors when we struggle with spiritual pain, though the cause of this pain may be one, both, or all of them.

I have no doubt that this book will be one of my top reads for 2024. So, so good, and one I highly recommend. I made so many highlights, that to narrow it down to 20 quotes is to leave out 100+ other ones. (Page #s are from the Kindle edition.)

1. Answers do not carry us through the night; love does (48).
2. I don’t think that Satan’s goal is creating pain. I think that Satan’s goal is creating distance. Toward that end, he can use pain or pleasure equally (56).
3. You are really great at living happy with Jesus. And now you have the opportunity to live sad with Jesus. And that’s okay because in the end, what will have made life rich will not be the happy or the sad; it will be the with Jesus (88).
4. However, throughout the ages, the saints who have gone before us affirm that the greatest times of spiritual growth often take place in the darkest nights of life, when we are not visibly prospering, tangibly fruitful, relationally stable, or emotionally at ease (144).
5. Confess your sins to God. Remember that, since He never had any illusions about you, His great love for you is as strong as it ever has been (165).
6. Jesus did not come from heaven to earth to die for our growth curves. Though we are all sinful, being human is not a sin. Jesus was human and holy. And the ideas we have surrounding these two attributes directly affect how we respond when disillusioned with ourselves (168).
7. How often are our expectations shaped not by our God, but by our anxiety, fear of rejection, perfectionism, pursuit of favor, or tendency to measure ourselves comparatively? (170)
8. Grace is everything for nothing to those who don’t deserve anything (173).
9. Sacrificing quality for quickness, we are shouting louder, but fewer of us seem to feel heard….listening from the heart is a skill, and whatever our starting point, as a skill it can be developed (205).
10. As I listen to pain in the community of faith, rarely (if ever) have I heard anyone say that their interpersonal pain was sourced in theological disagreements about Christ’s deity or the nature of salvation, but rather in how they were treated (211).
11. Mental flexibility protects us from relational extremism (i.e., “One strike and you’re out.”) and overreactions (i.e., “If you disagree with my idea, you’re really disagreeing with my existence.”). It empowers us to redefine relational victory in terms of the shared pursuit of truth and respect, as opposed to cold, countable wins and losses. This, in turn, positively affects our ability to process pushback and criticism. We say we want feedback, but in practice, perhaps what we really want are thumbs-up and hearts. Our lack of mental flexibility is revoking our freedom to simply be honest (211).
12. “My dear Alicia, let me tell you a story. There once was a man who was weary of discovering his sins day after day and year after year. So, he prayed and asked God to show him all his sins at once. God replied, ‘Oh, My son, My son, if I were to show you everything that I see, you would surely die.’” We sat in silence while the story sank in, and then she added, “Alicia, God’s mercy is stronger than His truth.” What? I thought. Nothing is stronger than God’s truth! However, in the context of relationships, Rebekka was right: because of God’s mercy, He does not reveal all that is true about us all at once. His mercy restrains His truth, rationing out revelation since its fullness would crush us. The lesson was clear without her saying another word. God, in His love, does not instantly tell us everything that is true about us. He sees more than He says. Mercy guides both His speech and His silence. And I needed to follow His example (219).
13. When disillusioned with God’s people, speak to heal, not to harm (219).
14. When disillusioned with God’s people, and given God’s permission to speak, how can our words heal instead of harm? Several principles can guide us. First, before speaking, ask yourself why you are really speaking. For good? For God? To vent? To purge? To avenge? To save face? Being honest before God with what is motivating your desire to speak will help you pause long enough to get in step with His desires (220).
15. However, when we are disillusioned, it is extremely easy to fall into a hurt-fueled (instead of fact-fueled) form of revisionism in which we rewrite the past in order to make sense of the present….Lies have no healing power. Yet how often do we go back and change the facts? How often do we spin the beginning to fabricate some sort of pseudo-peace about the end? Deception cannot resolve disillusionment. What was, was. What is, is. And in between what was and what is, is a powerful player called free will. People change. Circumstances get rearranged. And God rarely draws in straight lines (224).
16. When disillusioned with other Jesus-followers, we have the opportunity to love them for who they actually are as opposed to who we thought they were or who we think they should be (230).
17. Love is something given. Trust is something earned. Love is about generosity. Trust is about safety. Treating the two as synonyms can be disastrous (235).
18. Sometimes when our emotional responses are over the top (i.e., out of proportion to our circumstances), it is an indicator that the current pain is pressing on an older wound (238).
19. Within our shared painful gaining of reality, may God strengthen us to choose again and again to remain devoted to Jesus and, through Jesus, committed to the other souls gathered around His table. Not for commitment’s sake. Not for our own sake. But for Christ’s sake. Because He is committed to us. And He has committed us to one another (242).
20. Wherever loss led me, deep within I somehow knew that Jesus would still be there. Too exhausted mentally and emotionally to grip faith myself, I discovered that Another—the focus of my faith—had always been gripping me. God reminded me that faith was not my creation. He was “the author and perfecter” of my faith (Hebrews 12: 2). And His breath would sustain my faith even when my mind could not and my emotions would not (246).

Friends, I leave you with a song that is close to my heart, “Soon,” by Brooke Ligertwood. The night cannot and will not last forever. It won’t always be this way. Soon, we will be with the One we love.